Dealing with the Diagnosis

When someone is told that they have cancer, they are often flooded with strong and often competing emotions.¹ An immediate response might be an overwhelming sense of vulnerability and thoughts like "Why did this happen to me?"

The emotions newly diagnosed cancer patients may feel can be frightening, even to those who appear strong. Working through such feelings is key to getting the most from the treatment options selected and returning to a normal, productive, and enjoyable life. Some emotions that your loved one might experience include:

Disbelief. Disbelief is a common emotion that takes over in patients following diagnosis. Patients sometimes refuse to believe what they have been told as a way to soften the blow of the diagnosis. Yet this denial can be a barrier to appropriate and timely treatment if your loved one is unable to move past this and accept the diagnosis. You can help your loved one come to terms with the diagnosis and then move on together to gather information.

Fear. Just the word “cancer” stirs up fears in everyone. “What is going to happen to me?” “Am I going to survive?” “How can I pay for all this medical care?” Love, understanding and support are essential to help calm your loved ones and your own fears.

Anger. Anger may stem from feelings of “Why me?” as well as anger over the disruption of one’s life, body, social and professional goals. You or your loved one may find that discussing these feelings with others who have been in the same position can help put these feelings into perspective.

Stress and Emotional Upset. Both stress and anxiety are common responses to a cancer diagnosis for both the patient and caregiver. However, they can manifest with physical symptoms, such as difficulty sleeping, loss of appetite, or headaches, and they can even affect the immune system at a time when it is needed most.^{4, 5, 6}

To reduce your loved one’s or your own stress, undertake a favorite activity such as reading, listening to music or watching a movie. Consider attending support groups and/or asking your doctor for a referral to a specialized professional for a consultation.¹

Loss of Control. A cancer diagnosis can make the world seem beyond the patient’s control and even yours, too. You can help reduce these feelings of powerlessness by exercising the control you do have over your situation. Increase your knowledge and understanding of the disease, treatment options and side effects.

Guilt. Your loved one may blame themself for causing you and your family worry and grief. They may worry that they have become a burden both emotionally and financially. You might also feel guilty and frustrated about being unable to do more to help your loved one, and may sometimes feel resentful and impatient with the course of the disease, the treatment and related side effects. Support groups and counseling for both the patient and you, as the caregiver, can be especially effective in overcoming the negative impact these feelings can bring.

Aloneness. It is understandable that at such a difficult time you might want to shut everyone and everything out at times. Yet, seeking support from caring friends can be a tremendous resource.

Sadness and Depression. Many cancer patients and their families can experience some level of depression.¹ Feelings of dread, hopelessness and a sense that life has no meaning, are part of the feelings you have when dealing with cancer. If you or your loved one experience symptoms of depression, ask your doctor for a referral to a specialized professional.

Get Informed

Researchers are constantly making discoveries that one day might result in new cures for cancer. In the meantime, one way to contribute to a successful outcome is by learning all that you can about the disease and the treatment options available.²

There are many ways to educate yourself and your loved one about cancer. Under the "Cancer Support & Resources" section of the ByMySide.com website you can find information and links to many resources. A survey of 150 cancer patients found that caregivers accessed a variety of information to help make treatment decisions, including brochures (67 percent) and the Internet (65 percent).³

The volume of information available on treatment options can be overwhelming. Becoming well-informed will help you and your loved one in discussions with your health care professional about the best treatment options. In fact, nearly 90 percent of patients report that their support network helped them access the best possible information about their disease and medical care.³

Be an Active Participant

When first diagnosed with cancer, 71 percent of patients said that it was difficult for them to understand information about their disease and treatment options.³ If possible, attend physician visits with your loved one. Bring a written list of questions to each appointment to be sure you remember to ask the physician everything you want to know.

Also take notes when the physician is discussing the disease and the treatment so that you can go back and review the information.

¹Source: National Cancer Institute, Web Site (http://www.cancer.gov), 2002

²Source: Cancer Care, Web Site, 2002

³Amgen, Cancer Patient Internet Survey, May 2002

⁴Speca M, PsyD, Carlson L, et al. A Randomized, Wait-List Controlled Clinical Trial: The Effect of a mindfulness meditation-based stress reduction program on mood and symptoms of stress in cancer outpatients. Psychosomatic Medicine. 2000;62:613-622.

⁵Lehto U-S, Ojanen M, Kellokumpu-Lehtinen P. Predictors of quality of life  in newly diagnosed melanoma and breast cancer patients. Ann Oncol. 2005;16:805-816.

⁶Perczek R, Burke M, Carver C, et al. Facing a prostate cancer diagnostic: Who is at risk for increased distress. American Cancer Society. 2002;2923-2929.